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If there is one thing we know about the golden girls, it is that Sass, Vidd and Unapologetic Attitude had been glued that held the Miami household together. Now imagine if dogs had been part of the mixture – specifically dogs with the same level of Sass, Vidd and Self -confidence. Of course, some breeds come with an attitude, a sense of humor or a tendency to roll their eyes (figuratively) on something below them. These dogs would not just survive in the Golden Girls house level – they had thrive and snark through daily antics while still lovable and fun.
Pekingese
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If a breed was born to sip to tea (or maybe a Piña Colada) and throw shade from the comfort of a velvet sofa, it is Pekingesis. This race is like royalty and is not afraid to tell you that you are under them. With their luxurious coats and confident behavior, they would fit right into Blanch’s dramatic monologues and love for the finer things in life. They would probably spend most of their time on the fancy pillow in the house and look not impressed from everyone else’s antique, but still chimrate in with an occasional good temporal huff.
Chihuahua
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If Sophia had a dog counterpart, it would undoubtedly be a chihuahua. Small, but blown up with attitude, this breed has no problem putting bigger dogs – and humans – in their place. Like Sophia’s legendary ability to cut through rubbish with a single sentence, a chihuahua knows how to throw a serious side-eye. Whether the Sassily bends on the postman or strut through the house with more confidence than their size should allow, they are small but mighty in the Snark department.
Scottish terrier
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Dorothy would definitely approve a Scottish terrier – dry, worthy and always look like they are judging the room. This breed has a refined but no-nonsense attitude, making them the type that silently sees the drama unfold before delivering a perfectly timed sigh of rejection. Like Dorothy, they may be a little reserved at first, but their loyal and fiercely protective nature comes through as they warm up. And if there was ever a breed that would master the art of sarcastic eyebrows raising, it’s Scottie.
Poodle
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Elegant, intelligent and always five steps ahead, the poodle would be the dog’s blanche. They are stylish, they know they are stylish and they expect to be treated accordingly. With a sharp ability to learn quickly and a tendency to be just a little dramatic, a poodle would not hesitate to punch their noses up by an unworthy freer (or dog food that is not up to their high standards). Whether the flaunting their latest haircut or throws a subtle appearance of rejection, Poodles brings the kind of refined Sass that belongs to the Golden Girls house level.
Shiba Inu
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A Shiba Inu is the ultimate independent spirit with a sarcastic edge. This race is famous for its signature Shiba Scream, a tall, dramatic protest over things they find impractical-very memories of Dorothy’s long-suffering moaning when Sophia cooked up another scheme. Shibas also usually ignore commands unless they agree with them, which would definitely fit the Golden Girls Dynamic. Their intelligence, remuneration and sudden bursts of ridicule would make them the perfect comic joker sign in the house.
Dachshund
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Dachshunds are small divas with large attitudes. Whether they are bossy about much larger dogs or digs under a pile of blankets with an expression that says, they do not interfere, they know exactly what they want. They would fit seamlessly with Blanches Flair for drama, possibly even claiming her bed as theirs. With their ramped streak and love for a good time stare, a tax would probably be the first to steal a snack from the coffee table and play innocent when he gets caught.
French Bulldog
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French bulldogs are masters in comic timing, just like Rose. Their adorable snort’s, dramatic sighs and occasionally stubborn stripes make them natural stage leaders. They have a way of looking completely clueless at one moment and then striking you with an unexpected burst of Vidd (or Zoomier) the next. A French lounging on Lanai that looks like they have had a long day of lining up with everyone’s rubbish? It’s a whole mood.
Afghan hound
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Few dogs effortlessly embodies elegance and mystery just like the Afghan dog. If Blanche was a dog, she would definitely be an Afghan dog – beautiful, glamorous and fully aware of it. These dogs have a way of getting into a room as if they are dropping the most scandalous gossip of the century. They may not be the most vocal, but their dramatic hair flips and slowly, knowing staring is saying all that needs to be said.
Lhasa Apso
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Lhasa Apso, originally bred to be palace guard dogs in Tibet, has a royal attitude and an innate ability to judge everything around them. Like Sophia, they are little but fearless and they do not go back from confrontation. An Lhasa would probably spend their days relaxing in luxury while holding an ear after quarter drama, ready to beam their opinions right away. They may be small, but they have a dog’s confidence three times their size.
Boxer
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Boxers have an eerie ability to be fake and scary, just like Dorothy at the same time. They have expressive faces that can go from serious to let’s play! In a matter of seconds. Their playful, bouncing nature makes them a source of constant entertainment, and their athletics means they are always ready to jump into (or out) regardless of situation that takes place in the house. And like Dorothy, they can be incredibly loyal, protective and sweet when they let their guard down.
Miniature Schnauzer
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Miniature Schnauzers are basically little old men in dog form. They have an eternal air of rejection and a playful side that sneaks out at just the right moments. With their signature beard and expressive eyebrows, they would be the first to “Harumf” by any rubbish going on in the house. But despite their grinning outside, they are incredibly loyal and always ready to be part of the action. If Sophia had to choose a corner page sidekick, a schnauzer would be at the top of the list.
Thanks for being a friend (but not for taking my place)
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If these snarky, meaningful and wonderfully dramatic races were part of the household with golden girls, things would be even more chaotic (and fun). Like Dorothy, Blanche, Rose and Sophia, they might adhere and sass each other all day – but deep down they would be inseparable. Their perfectly timed reactions, over-the-top personalities and undeniable charm would make them sitcom gold. Now, if there was only one way to get these dogs together for an actual TV show. They would probably demand their own trailer and script approval before signing.
