“HAIRAlthough it was easy to share what we had been able to buy together (arc lamp, washing machine, vintage console), it soon seemed impossible for Huguette to leave it to one or the other…», says Pierre, a 49-year-old gallerist . The Parisian, who separated from Marie after five years of relationship, still fondly remembers the adoption of their Boston terrier: “She was the one who wanted her, but it didn’t take much to convince me! »
Both “very attached” to the animal, they quickly agreed on “alternative custody”. “It was obvious,” confides the childless forty-year-old. A month for one, a month for the other. A “pretty convenient” organization, he believes. “But I have to admit, every time I go, I miss his yawn and the sound of his little paws on the parquet floor of the apartment…”
This configuration no longer surprises Claude Béata, veterinary behaviorist and author of several popularizing essays on animal psychology*. “Many owners, when they separate, now choose joint custody,” he notes. Especially with their dog, who they “rightly” believe is a “social” creature, while the cat wants to be more “territorial” – and therefore less adaptable.
A phenomenon that journalist Mylène Bertaux, author of All. Dogs’ new place in our lives (Fayard, 2024), attributes, above all, a “change in status” for the animal: “The dog went from the kennel to the sofa, then to the bedroom and in some cases to the pram! »This shift inevitably generates new problems, including custody. »
“We love our dog so much”
In fact, 68% of the French consider their pet to be a member of their family, surveyed by Ipsos for the Royal Canin brand, in 2023 (“The French and their pets”). For those under 35, “who adopt the most dogs”, and as the age of motherhood decreases, “it often takes the role of a first ‘child'”, the journalist notes again.
“There was no way I was going to let him go. My dog is like my baby…” confides Chloé, a 27-year-old Parisian, from a “cani park” at the foot of the Sacré-Cœur. The young woman broke up with Marc a year ago, just a few weeks after adopting Toby, a three-month-old beagle. “This dog was a project we did together. Despite the breakup, neither of us wanted to part. »
The situation is delicate, declares the thieves’ unit: “It’s about maintaining the connection and seeing each other regularly. In the early days after the breakup, it could have been difficult… » But for Toby, the ex-couple goes beyond their split, to the point of organizing a party for the animal’s birthday or sharing after dinner with him. “We love our dog too much for it to go wrong. »
For the rest, he arranges half a week’s organization, every other weekend (“priority for the one who goes to the countryside”) and uses an application for the sharing of expenses to keep the accounts. However, the service can be improved, Chloé acknowledges. “I shift most of the costs, and it often happens that he calls me to change shifts when it’s not for a question about drinks or medicine…”
“This organization often generates the same problems as those of separated parents,” notes Mylène Bertaux, who researched the subject in depth as part of her essay. We deal with each other’s behavior, we blame each other for poor management of costs, lack of care, organization… The classics of shared custody! »
“She wanted to hurt me”
This is how Pierre, Huguette’s owner, recounts the text messages his ex-partner sends him with each new shift: “She reminds me how to take care of the dog (“Pay attention to her”, “Don’t make her run too much ” …) as if I didn’t know! Basically, everything we couldn’t stand when we were together shows through the dog, which is the last link we have left,” he says with a laugh.
If he prefers to have fun with these disturbances, the forty-year-old nevertheless remains marked by an argument which took place a few months earlier, and at the end of which Marie proposed to put an end to this mode of operation, that ” take back Huguette” “She wanted to hurt me and knew that was the point she could hit me…”
A textbook case for Olivia Symniacos, lawyer specializing in animal law and author ofIn the name of all animals (Les Arènes, 2024). “With shared custody, it’s not uncommon for the pet to bear the brunt of one owner’s anger, pain or resentment, especially through the threat of taking it away from the other. It’s directed, it’s shallow, but it’s everyday! »
The lawyer even observes a constant: “Joint custody almost always goes off track at the same time. » The arrival of a new partner who plays the role of catalyst: “Either the latter is against the champion continuing to see his ex, or the ex wants to punish the other for having found someone again! » says the specialist. Superior concludes she, “this organization turns out to be complicated in the long run…”
“I didn’t want to overwhelm him”
Ninon didn’t get to that point. But she confides: “I secretly hoped he would get tired. “When she leaves François, her partner, after four years of relationship, this 36-year-old advertising executive is at first “surprised” that he asks to share custody over their Siamese. “Malice had always been mine, in fact I had taken care of him. But I had left him, I didn’t want to burden him any further…”
The former couple then agree to a fortnightly rotation. A challenge: “It was sixty minutes on the subway, thirty of which were with the cat crying in its cage. It hurt my heart, and when I told my friends about it, they asked me why we made up problems! “This organization will last three months, and his former companion himself admits that the situation is unpleasant. “A relief.”
If Ninon and François resolved the problem amicably, “more and more separated couples are now applying for a lawyer,” notes Olivia Symniacos. And if fewer file cases on this issue alone, many of them now include the issue of pet ownership in their divorce proceedings, “just as we settle the issue of children or the car, they want to clarify the fate of the dog. And whatever organization they decide to create next time, they are right!
Although recognized as a “living being endowed with sentience”, the animal remains under the property regime. His fate thus varies depending on the marital regime chosen by the former spouses. And in case of separation of property or an unmarried couple, according to the name of the partner appearing in the contract of sale or adoption. “I’m often told: ‘I took care of him, his diet and his vet bills for years.’ But that doesn’t give you any rights!” insists the lawyer.
If no French law regulates these requirements, in Spain, where a new provision clarifies, since January 2022, this type of dispute, the court may decide to establish alternative custody of the pet. Or grant, as a minimuma right of association and residence for those who have been deprived of it. Among the parameters taken into account: the conditions offered to the animal, the time allocated to it or the connections that unite it with one or the other of its masters.
* Claude Béata especially published Cat madnesswith Odile Jacob (2022).
